Why Some Guys Just Want Sex And Not A Relationship 2023
When you're dating and on the hunt for true love, it's easy to get your spirits dampened.
I vividly remember the parade of dudes who seemed far more interested in introducing their body parts to mine than they did introducing me to their moms.
It can definitely feel like some men just want sex... But that's because they do want sex! However, that doesn't mean it's the only thing that every man out there wants from you.
If you've been feeling like the men you meet just want sex and not a relationship, you need to remember some important things about their thinking.
I consulted with some men (who choose to remain anonymous) to get their take on the whole "men just want sex" issue, just to give us all a little bit more clarity.
I think you'll find by the time you're done reading what they had to say that you'll at least have a plan of action in your mind before you go on your next big date.
Why the guys you've been dating only want sex and not a relationshipOne the anonymous men I asked had a great response to this question.
He said: “There's many 'sayings' and they perpetuate for many reasons. Doesn't mean they are true, or apply broadly. Sure, there are most definitely some men who only want sex, but there are also some women who only want sex. At the heart of it, everyone seeks love. How they go about it might be different. But it's wrong to say 'men only want sex.' It's as insulting as saying women only want their husband's credit card, which is another common saying."
While there are men who are simply interested in sex for the sake of, you know, having sex, that doesn't mean every man out there operates this way.
I feel like that's important to say, and even important for women to hear, especially since it came from a guy!
If you have had a series of one-night stands that you expected to turn into relationships of course you will become jaded and skeptical about having sex with a man you meet and date. That's totally fair!
What isn't fair, is to dismiss every man who wants in your pants as a guy just after one thing.
One man I spoke with pointed out that he is a man, and he is seeking a serious relationship.
“It's insulting to assume that men just want sex," he said. "Everyone wants sex, but it's not the only thing we want. For me I look for a relationship for the companionship and sharing my life with someone. Sex is awesome, but not why I'm seeking relationships.”
That kind of direct language women are taught to stay away from, but I think it can be really helpful, especially when it comes to avoiding guys just interested in casual hookups.
If you find yourself going out with a bunch of guys who all seem to just want to have sex and then never call again, the issue might be what you're looking for and how clear you're being about what you want.
Women feel a lot of pressure to not come across as "serious" on a first date. I think this is garbage.
If what you want is a serious relationship built over time, say it! Say that in your profile! Say it when you sit down for the salad course!
If you are clear about your intentions it becomes much easier to sort out the men who just want sex versus the men who want to build a future with a committed partner.
Many men and women think about sex and love differently. Women typically associate the two things as being interconnected, whereas many men, like the anonymous man I spoke with below, view sex and love as different things:
“My take on it is that guys commonly separate interest in the person and sexual desire, while fewer women do this. So sometimes guys looking for sex build a relationship with a woman they're not actually interested in. If they end up having sex, then the guy's had what he wanted and his idealization of that woman stops, he kind of accepts he doesn't want to see her more and the relationship stops. Or, if the guy is rejected by the woman, sometimes he'll just stop talking to her altogether. This is obviously very hurtful for the woman, especially if it's right after they had sex and she feels they've built a special connection," said yet another man I spoke with.
In order to find a man who wants to build a relationship and fall in love you have to understand and believe that you are a person who is worthy of love, worthy of a relationship with a kind and devoted partner.
I am not telling you that in order to end a string of guys who just want you need to utterly master learning to love yourself, but I am saying that you need to at least understand that someone could love you.
On a date, you have nothing to prove. Your only job is to be your authentic self and to see if that authentic self could find a home with the person currently handing you the breadsticks.
Sometimes, in order to get laid, men pretend to want relationships because they understand that women find that attractive. Take it from the anonymous dude I spoke to below:
“I definitely do not think that men 'only want sex,' but I think that as a whole (and accepting that there are plenty of outliers on both sides), men often value sex differently than women," said another anonymous fellow. "Also because sex is more difficult for the average man to get, some [crappy] men pretend to be interested in women romantically when they actually just want to get laid. Because it is so easy for the average woman to get laid if she wants to and doesn't have super high standards, women are less likely to feel the need to manipulate men for sex.”
There are bad men out there. There are men who will manipulate you just to gain access to your bed.
You can't hide from them. But what you can do is learn how to look for them.
If a guy is coming across as too intense, or aggressive, and it's turning you off — pay attention to those feelings. Sure, he could just be over-eager. But he could also be a giant phony who will say anything to get you laid.
There is no harm is having sex for sex's sake. I mean come on, good sex is fantastic, and even bad sex is still sex. But if the sex you are having is leaving you feeling hollow and betrayed it could be because of one of the reasons listed above.
Sex will always be there, either with this guy, or the next one. If you aren't sure about a man, take your time with him.
If he scuttles off into the underbrush after another piece of tail, he's done you a favor by proving your gut instincts were correct.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime. Things Men Want In A Relationship Desperately click here this links
Jana Hocking On The Benefits Of Dating Much Older Men
I’ve never really thought I had a type. For example, on Tuesday morning I stumbled upon the most magnificent-looking man I’ve ever seen and he was roughly 5 feet 6 (at a stretch!).
I’ve got a date next week with a bloke who is 6 feet 3! I don’t care what ethnicity they are, what color their eyes are, or even if they’re a laborer or a banker. As long as they’re nice, have good manners and treat me well, I’m happy.
So imagine my surprise as I took a walk down memory lane over the summer holidays and discovered I do, in fact, have a type!
If I take a look at my dating track record, it would appear that my “type” is older men. Turns out I quite adore dating a bloke outside my age bracket. In fact, preferably a good 10 years older.
It all started at the tender age of 25 when I first stepped out of my dating age bracket and dated a 45-year-old man. At the time it felt rather scandalous and it took me a long time to reconcile.
He was someone I had worked with for a couple of years. He had met one of my boyfriends (a very immature “lad”), we had traveled together, partied together, and very successfully worked together.
It wasn’t until the show I was working on got canceled and we had farewell drinks that anything happened. I mean sure, over the years there was flirting, but now we could actually act on it.
Our first kiss was in the Ivy changerooms, which still gives me a chuckle when I think about it, and I remember waking up the next morning calling my best friend and going: “Oh my God, I kissed an old bloke!” Oh, bless you, younger Jana, you thought 45 was old. So naïve.
Over the next couple of months, much to my surprise, he really pursued me. Having had a bad run with bad blokes, it was nice to be wined and dined the old-fashioned way. So before I knew it, we were jetting off to Bali for a heavenly coupled-up holiday.
Now here’s something they don’t tell you about dating someone who looks older than you: You will find yourself in some pretty darn awkward situations.
As we sauntered down the main streets of Semenya on our way to lunch, we had street sellers showing us their wares and shouting out to my older gent, “You buy your daughter something nice?” Oh cringe. Literally every local thought he was my dad. I should probably point out here that I had quite a young face in my 20s.
The next awkward situation came a few weeks later when we went to a fancy dinner party and the women looked at me like I was their worst enemy. Ergggh. I was the younger chick stealing one of the only good blokes still left in their age bracket. I get it, trust me, I get it.
Anyway, now in my 30s, I seem to date men in their mid-40s to early 50s. So it’s safe to say I’ve grown fairly comfortable dating outside the norm. And thankfully, my baby face kind of disappeared, so it doesn’t look or seem that scandalous anymore.
I’ve pondered why I keep finding myself attracted to older men, and I can happily assure you it’s not a sugar daddy thing.
Nope, I’m proud of the money I make from hard work, and I’m not focused on dipping into their bank account. In fact, most of them have been through the war zone known as divorce, so they’re not exactly raining money.
I believe there are three simple reasons for my attraction.
They’re mature
Oh, the benefits of dating someone who has grown out of their “man-child” phase! I can’t speak highly enough of it. By their 40s, they’ve had enough experience with women to know how to emotionally connect (and react) to them.
They no longer squirm when you tell them you’ve got your period. They’re well-equipped at handling tears, and they’ve learned how to navigate PMS.
They’re well-established in their career and home life
These aren’t guys who are working long hours for small wages to secure their first house. They’ve set themselves up in their career, they’ve navigated the rental or housing market, they’ve learned how to use a washing machine and iron their own clothes.
They’re perfectly capable of looking after themselves. This shouldn’t be a blessing, but let’s face it, it is.
They know what they want from life
They’re usually divorced, or have at least been in a long-term relationship before. So they’ve figured out whom they can viably have a relationship with, and whom they most definitely cannot. They’ve also proven that they are capable of sustaining a long(ish)-term relationship, and are no strangers to commitment.
So if you’re pondering whom to date in the new year, may I suggest you give someone outside your age bracket a try? OK, maybe don’t go hanging around the local retirement village, but why not up your preferences by 10 years? I highly recommend them.
Relationship Expert Reveals The Sneaky Reason Why Men 'suddenly Pull Away' When Dating Despite Seeming 'obsessed' Days Earlier
Relationship expert, Sabrina Bendory says women mistake 'being won over' with emotional connection or obsession
A relationship expert has revealed why your new beau could seem 'obsessed' one minute and 'bow out completely' the next - and claims it's a normal part of finding a match.
Relationship expert, Sabrina Bendory says women mistake 'being won over' with emotional connection or obsession.
In a video to her 112,000 followers she said men are on their best behaviour in the initial stages of a relationship - they are trying to work out if they like you and doing everything they can to make you like them.
'That's why he is coming on strong, it isn't so much a reflection of his feelings for you, it is him trying to get you to develop feelings for him,' she said.
'This isn't mean or manipulative, he wants to make sure you like him before putting himself more on the line,' she said, adding it is part of the normal courtship process.
She said it isn't uncommon for a man to work out 'this isn't a match' during these initial stages, when he is coming on strong.
'It seems and feels to you like he has suddenly lost interest,' she said.
'But that's not the case... Dating is a discovery process.. Not a measurement of your worth or worthiness as a person.'
Sometimes one person discovers the partnership isn't going to work while the other one continues to cling to hope.
She explained men will try to make you fall for them before they decide if they actually like you, so their 'obsession' in the beginning shouldn't be mistaken with real feelings
She added 'in the beginning he can't be that into you, he doesn't know you yet' which is critical to keep in mind.
Sabrina added a disclaimer and said that her advice only related to 'normal' courtships and not love bombing, which is a whole different issue.
But her followers said men need to learn to communicate this.
'The person who loses interest should politely say, ' I'm sorry I'm not feeling it, or I don't see us being more than friends, etc...' Instead of just pulling away, they wonder why we question everything,' one said.
The expert claims that men dropping interest is a very normal part of the courtship process
'I completely understand someone pulling away after realizing it isn't a match, but ghosting is not okay. A simple text to convey that they aren't feeling it makes all the difference,' confirmed another.
Others said 'trying to win someone over' before you have feelings should be considered a red flag.
'I love 99% of your advice but I'm not on board with this one. It's not okay for someone to just 'try to win you over' if he has no feelings. This is a lie, a manipulation, a sign of narcissism. By your own account, dating is a discovery process, so there is no excuse for a guy coming on strong to begin with. There is no reason to give someone a pass on such behaviour,' one woman said.
