6 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationships In 2023
Relationships are an essential component of a healthy, fulfilling life, but they can take a heck of a lot of work. As 2022 winds down, Well is looking back at some of the relationship-building strategies we covered over the past year to help you deepen your friendships or romantic partnerships going forward.
1. Assume people like you.Making friends in adulthood takes initiative, and it can be daunting to put yourself out there. Remind yourself that the people you meet are more apt to like you than you presume, said Marisa Franco, a psychologist who studies friendship and who wrote the 2022 book “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.”
“That is based on research into the ‘liking gap,’” Dr. Franco explained, or the idea that we tend to underestimate how well-liked we are. There is also a separate but related theory known as the “acceptance prophecy,” which says that when people assume others like them, they tend to be friendlier and more open. If you’re looking to make friends, your mind-set really matters, Dr. Franco said.
2. Don’t underestimate small acts of kindness.A study that tasked participants with doing kind things for others found that the participants underestimated how appreciated those gestures were. That held true whether they did something for someone they knew (like baking cookies for a friend or giving a classmate a ride home) or for a stranger (like giving someone a free cup of hot chocolate on a frigid day).
“People tend to think that what they are giving is kind of little, maybe it’s relatively inconsequential,” said Amit Kumar, an assistant professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and an author of the study, published in August. “But recipients are less likely to think along those lines. They consider the gesture to be significantly more meaningful because they are also thinking about the fact that someone did something nice for them.”
If you’re not one for baking, or you just cannot see yourself buying hot drinks for strangers, don’t force it. Instead, consider your skills and talents, and ask yourself: How can I turn those into offerings for others?
Calling, texting or emailing a friend just to say “hello” tends to mean more than we realize, according to a 2022 study that included 13 small experiments. In some, participants contacted someone they considered a friend; in others, they got in touch with someone they were friendly with but considered a weak tie. Across the board, those reaching out underestimated how much doing so meant to the person on the receiving end.
To demonstrate how little it takes to lift someone’s spirits, the researchers intentionally kept the bar low for what constituted “getting in touch.” “Even sending a brief message reaching out to check in on someone — just to say ‘Hi,’ that you are thinking of them, and to ask how they’re doing — can be appreciated more than people think,” said Peggy Liu, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing, an associate professor of business administration at the University of Pittsburgh’s Katz Graduate School of Business and an author of that study.
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John and Julie Gottman, who are married psychologists, have spent decades studying what makes marriage tick, and in their 2022 book, “The Love Prescription: 7 Days to More Intimacy, Connection and Joy,” they argue that much of it boils down to “turning toward” your spouse.
As the Gottmans, who co-founded the Gottman Institute, point out, partners make repeated bids for each others’ attention throughout the day. In response, the other partner can react in several different ways: ignore the outreach (turning away); respond negatively (turning against); or acknowledge the bid positively with something as simple as a nod or touch (turning toward).
“Let’s say I say to John, ‘Wow, look at that beautiful bird out the window!’” Julie explained. “John can totally ignore me. He can say, ‘Would you stop trying to interrupt me? I’m reading.’ Or he can say, ‘Wow, yeah!’” In one of the Gottmans’ best-known experiments, they watched couples over the course of a day and found that those who stayed married for years “turned toward” each other more than 80 percent of the time. Those who went on to divorce did so only about 30 percent of the time.
Terrence Real, a family therapist and author of the 2022 book “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” believes that in most partnerships, there are three phases of love: harmony, disharmony and repair. Yet our culture does not equip people to talk about — or deal with — that expected second stage of disharmony or disillusionment. Simply acknowledging it to yourself and your partner can help.
“I’ve run around the country for 20 years, talking about what I call ‘normal marital hatred,’ and not one person has ever come backstage to ask what I meant by that,” Mr. Real said.
Unlike schadenfreude, when we take pleasure in others’ misfortunes, “freudenfreude” describes the bliss we feel when someone else succeeds — even if it doesn’t involve us. There are benefits to sharing in someone else’s joy. It can foster resilience and improve life satisfaction.
One easy way to experience more freudenfreude is to check in with your friends and loved ones about their small victories or the bright spots in their day. Doing so turns you into a “joy spectator” — and gives you an opportunity to see the people around you at their best.
To Improve Your Relationship With Social Media
Is your social media use making you feel more depressed or anxious? Recent research examined 159 studies about the impact of social media on mental health. Across these studies, there were significant relationships between social media use and depression and anxiety.
People who had symptoms of depression or anxiety were more likely to have problematic social media use. Also, more extreme social media use tended to make symptoms of anxiety and depression even worse in vulnerable people.
Some reasons this study found for worsening mental health symptoms included feeling left out, increased body image concerns, unfavorable social comparison of oneself to people online, cyberbullying, and social isolation from people in real life. For some, social media use gets in the way of sleep.
Steps for Improving the Negative Impact of Social MediaSuppose you notice a negative impact of your social media use on your mental health. In that case, you don’t necessarily have to eliminate using it (although that could be an option). Instead, having a more thoughtful approach might make a world of difference in your mental health.
A New Relationship With Social Media Is Possible
Social media is not always problematic. However, do an honest assessment of your use and notice that it does cause some problems for you. A few changes can help you have a healthier relationship with technology. Words That Fire Up Her Sex read more Drivehttps://tinyurl.com/5xcp4yuw
Want To Improve Your Relationship? Think About Your Ex, Says Study
Thinking about your ex could be the last thing on your mind – but it could have a positive effect on your new relationship (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)It may sound like hell on earth, but according to a new study the best way to improve your relationship is to think about your ex.
Yes, really. Specifically, you should focus on the good times you shared with your former partner (although, you might need to dig deep to find these).
Psychologists at the University of Kansas asked volunteers to reflect on nostalgic memories with an ex and then report how it made them feel about their current relationship.
The good news? All that thinking about their exes actually had a positive effect – with many of the participants reporting that it helped them think more positively about their current relationship, as it made them aware of how much they had grown since their previous one.
The researchers from the study, which was published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, found that: ‘Fond nostalgic memories about past relationships remind people of the positivity of romantic relationships.
‘We found it led to an increase in the perceived quality of current partnerships.
‘These memories can be triggered by an ex-lover’s favorite song or movie.
‘But if the break-up of the previous relationship was too painful, people may resist recalling nostalgic memories.’
The researchers asked 167 individuals to take part in three experiments exploring the positive effects of reflecting on previous relationships.
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Each of the experiments made participants reflect on happy memories with an ex, by reading blog posts from strangers fondly looking back at past relationships.
The volunteers were then asked questions about their relationship satisfaction and love for their current partner – and those who could reminisce about good times with an ex reported an increase in satisfaction in their current relationship.
The researchers concluded: ‘We found that perception of self-growth mediated the positive effects of reflecting on nostalgic memories about an ex-partner on perceived current relationship quality and approach motivation in the current relationship.’
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